First name Tom, Last name Foolery... And I'm Everybody's Uncle!

Even this camper... Malcolm Applegate! 

Apparently Malcolm watched too many episodes of Wives With Knives & Deadly Women, because when he elected to breakup with his lover of 35 years, he decided to do it the old fashion way - live off the grid for 10 years. Yes, a fucking decade!

According to a source who asked to remain anonymous, Malcolm was not pleased with the route his marriage was traveling. He was tired of taking Viagra daily to satisfy his sex craved wife, who is five years younger than him. Neighbors agreed that Malcolm's 57 year old beauty queen enjoyed sex a little too much for his liking. A family member claimed that Malcolm often referred to his lover as Rae, the nymphomaniac from Black Snake Moan.

Besides too many sexual demands, Mr. Applegate was not fond of the orders his wife barked at him daily. He felt as if he was a puppet trapped in a stage prop. Thus, one morning he decided to hop on his bicycle & ride off into the sunset. That is until his bicycle was stolen. Which ultimately led to him fleeing into the wood & living like a nomad for a decade.

During his extended furlough, Apple released various iPhone models, Snapchat's stock increased, the United States elected its first black president - twice, & his wife held a funeral & invested the insurance proceeds into a novelty shop. We dare not mentioned what type of shop she opened.

Nonetheless, I salute Malcolm for doing something the average Joe simply would not have done. He's definitely the most interesting man in the world - Dos Equis. 

Climb on The Family Tree below & share your thoughts about My Nephew Malcolm Applegate's situation!